Couples often spend a year planning a wedding that lasts one day, and very little time preparing for a marriage meant to last a lifetime. In my years of premarital counselling, I have noticed that most marriage crises do not come from surprises. They come from conversations that were never had.
Love is essential, but love is not a plan. Before you say “I do”, sit down together, switch off your phones and talk honestly through these ten questions.
1. Why do we want to get married, and why now? Pressure from family, age or church is not a foundation. Make sure you are choosing each other, not escaping something.
2. What do we believe about God, and how will faith shape our home? Agreeing on church attendance is not the same as sharing convictions. Talk about prayer, values and how you will raise children in faith.
3. How will we handle money? Will you have joint or separate accounts? Who manages what? How much do you each earn, owe and give to family? Money secrets destroy trust faster than almost anything else.
4. What role will our families play? In our culture, marriage joins families, not just two people. Agree now on boundaries with parents and in-laws, and on how you will support extended family without neglecting your own home.
5. How do we handle conflict? Does one of you shout while the other goes silent? Do you sulk for days? Learn each other’s patterns and agree on how you will fight fair.
6. What do we expect about roles in the home? Who cooks, cleans, earns, decides? Unspoken expectations become spoken resentments.
7. Do we want children, how many and when? And what will you do if children do not come as quickly as you hope? Discuss this before the pressure starts.
8. What wounds are we bringing with us? Past relationships, family breakdown, abuse or addiction do not disappear at the altar. Healing begins with honesty, and sometimes with help.
9. What does faithfulness mean to us? Talk about friendships with the opposite sex, social media, privacy of phones, and what you will do if you ever feel tempted.
10. Who will we turn to when we struggle? Every marriage hits hard seasons. Agree now on a mentor couple or counsellor you will go to before small problems become large ones.
If some of these questions made you uncomfortable, that is not a bad sign. It means you have found the conversations that matter most. It is far better to face them now, with time and support, than later in the middle of a crisis.
My Ready for Marriage programme walks couples through these questions and more over six sessions, online or in person. Book a free discovery call to begin.